The Demise of the Village

This post is a personal one.

There is a proverb that is often heard when children are being discussed: “It takes a village to raise a child.” But what does this really mean in our communities today? And do parents only want the village when it is convenient for them?

When children are spoken about, it is understood that they are not being raised for us alone, but for the world they will one day enter. This requires collective effort, support, and collaboration. Anyone who interacts with a child regularly becomes part of that village. Children cannot be raised in isolation. Teachers are part of that village too. In South Africa, as in many places, children are placed in the care of educators for hours each day, and trust is expected. Yet too often, the only time parents engage with teachers is when something has gone wrong and a complaint has been made, and not when a child has done well. Children are expected to be loved, guided, and protected by the village, but when correction is given, the village is often challenged. Respect for the people around our children is sometimes not reinforced, and then it is wondered why the village slowly begins to withdraw.

Recently, there was an article about a 12-year-old child who took their own life. That child had been caring for a four-year-old sibling. The father had been struggling with substance abuse, and the mother was away. Sadly, this is not an isolated story. It should, however, be enough to make us pause and reflect. It should move us to act. It should remind us that our children need to be protected, and that accountability must be shared within the village. In many communities, the struggles inside a household are known, but no intervention follows. Sometimes people look away not because they do not care, but because they have been rejected, dismissed, or made to feel like the “bad person” when they have tried to speak up.

In the past, parenthood was often shared more openly in South African communities. A neighbour, a teacher, a parent’s friend, a grandparent, an auntie, an uncle, or the parent of a friend could all be considered part of the support system around a child. The list was long, and the wellbeing of children was trusted into many hands. These days, trust is often harder to give. Children’s behaviour may be ignored at home, while anyone who tries to guide them in the right direction is sometimes criticised or shut down. Trust is lacking, yet our children are still being sent out into the world every day.

According to the South African Depression and Anxiety Group, 9% of all teenage deaths are due to suicide. More than 20% of teenagers have considered suicide at some point, and 77% of teens who die by suicide show warning signs that are either missed or ignored. This is not a post about suicide rates, but it is a post about neglect. It is about what happens when the village is no longer present. It is about what happens when no one speaks up for children. It is about the fear that can surround difficult conversations with parents because of how they may react. So much is sometimes left unsaid because people do not want conflict, do not want to be judged, or do not want to be pushed away.

So much energy is often spent on giving children the things we may not have had growing up, while the things they truly need are neglected. They need resilience to be built. They need to be taught rights and responsibilities. They need to be supported without being mistaken for adults before their time. Children should be allowed to remain children, so that they can grow into healthy, grounded, and capable adults. Young people deserve the chance to have a future.

If we truly want to see a world where children thrive, then more awareness must be created. Communal effort, support, and responsibility must be welcomed when it comes to our children. Space must be made for shared care. Help must be accepted, and not only when it is convenient. The village must be allowed to show up. It should not be pushed away and then blamed for not being there.

The demise of the village cannot simply be watched from the side-lines. Active participation is needed in the empowerment of children. No man is an island, as they say, and that remains true. Children thrive best in environments that are safe, stable, and conducive to growth. Positive structures must be built in our communities so that guidance can be offered and development can be supported.

At the Tlotlego Smiles Foundation, it is believed that all the stakeholders involved in a child’s learning journey should be brought together to build a village that will hold the child up. A village should be created where children are allowed to be children. A village should be created where children are given the space to thrive.

So, to answer the question, “Are we witnessing the demise of the village?” the answer may be: maybe. It is being allowed to happen. The bricks are slowly being removed by the very people who expect the village to be there only when it is convenient for them.

In the words of Whitney Houston: “I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride to make it easier. Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be. Everybody searching for a hero. People need someone to look up to.”

Should you need any assistance, please don’t hesitate to reach out. We are here to support you.